Today has been tough. I failed my driving exam for…driving too slow. The tester kindly told me that I was driving perfectly, but I was just “too slow” in the residential areas and that was not okay. Granted, I didn’t expect to pass because my nerves usually get in the way, but it still is a bummer.
Aside from that, I received a few boxes to pack up my company monitor and company laptop. I had a small breakdown and a sense of impending doom. What if I failed? What am I quitting for? Who am I to think that I had a right to leave such a comfortable job?
I had plans to go to the Dome at Westfield mall in San Francisco to do some work, listen to classical music, but I knew my legs couldn’t take me that far before having a panic attack. So I endeavored to a coffee shop nearby to at least get away from home and force myself to work. Because now I have no safety net. Now the clock starts ticking. How long will it take before anything I do takes off? That is up to me now. That is up to the work I put into it, so I have to keep moving.
I am terrified. I feel so insecure. My identity was tied completely to my career and now 2 boxes arrived to take it all away.